Things That Are Awesome

Danish Butter Cookies!

More specifically, Royal Dansk Danish Butter Cookies!

You know the ones. They're in the big-ass blue tin, at the bottom shelf on the cookie aisle, shunned by those bastardy elves and the cream-filled sandwiches.

I really don't know why they are so awesome. They are dry as hell. Like, licking a camel's armpit dry. There is just something about their flavor that just pops.

If you are unfamiliar with Royal Dansk Big-Ass Blue Tin Cookies, I'll give you the gist of them. Firstly, don't be fooled by what you see when you open the lid: There are really only 4 types of cookie, rather than the 5 that they lead you to believe are packaged. There is the Sugary Pretzel, the Sugary Rectangle, the swirl, and then the 2 crappy round ones. The cookies come in little bundles of 3 packed neatly in muffin wrappers for your "convenience", but if you're a pig like me, you just eat them straight out of the tin.

The 2 sugary cookies are undoubtedly the BEST of the tin. You can either eat these first and leave the rest of for your less-liked co-workers. Or, you can eat the not-as-good ones first, get that out of the way, and then spend the rest of the time indulging in the sugary awesomeness that is left. The choice is yours.

The swirly one looks like some sort of 4-year-old's Play Doh project. It's not nearly as good as the sugary  ones, because, well...it's not covered in sugar. Duh. It has a very buttery flavor, which KIND OF compensates, but not much.

Rumor has it that the crappy round cookies have unique flavors, such as coconut or something, and there may or may not be chocolate chips hidden in them. Perhaps, but they lack the sugary sugarness and/or sitck-o-butter flavor of the others. Therefore, I don't recognize them as being equals. They usually get left behind or tossed in the can. Royal Dansk could ultimately leave those guys out, and go to a 3-cookie tin. I wouldn't object one bit.

I highly suggest that you go and get a tin of these Dutch treats. I promise that you will enjoy them nearly as much as me. Hell, you might even form a different opinion of those circular ones. I say, to each his (or her) own. Just make sure you have a glass of milk on hand you wash them down with. Seriously...they're dry.