Smooth Criminal

I got a nice, fat envelope in the mail Tuesday afternoon from the City of Portsmouth Police Department.

It said the following:

To: Neal, John Russell Jr
(My Address...blah blah)

Charge: DOG AT LARGE

A warrant has been issued for your arrest. To save you the embarrassment of being arrested at your home or place of business, please come to the Police Records Unit of the Portsmouth Police Department, located (their address...blah blah) immediately.

Let me also note that I got this in the mail on Tuesday. The "no-later-than-date" was...TUESDAY.

A warrant for my arrest? WHAT? Apparently, I am a wanted criminal. Possibly even a felon.

And the charge? Larceny? Grand Theft Auto? Drunk In Public?

Nope.

DOG AT LARGE, plus 2 other charges. PLUS...I have 2 dogs, so three charges magically transforms into six. SIX warrants for my arrest.

Long story short...over the past 2 weeks, my 2 Rotty-mixes have tunneled themselves under my backyard fence and out into the real world. I actually lost track of how many times they got out, but they were picked up by Animal Control twice. I went to pick them up from the pound...twice. I paid to get them back...twice. $240 later, they are back in the yard. I figured that was the end of it.

Wrong.

When they got out, their collars and/or tags managed to stay behind. Therefore, when they arrived at the pound, there was no visible display of rabies vaccinations OR a city dog license. The good folks at the Portsmouth Humane Society felt that my $240 wasn't enough, so they turned me in to the fuzz. I didn't even get a courtesy call to inquire if I had the vaccinations and license.

Thanks, guys!

Now, 3 days before Christmas, I have to go to court and sort this mess out. I am sure that I will just have to bring proof of the crap that I was "missing". But, I will also have to pay the court fees. Not to mention the complete hassle of getting off work in the middle of the week to go to court for something as silly as this.

There are hookers and drug dealers working the streets of my city. I know...I pass them DAILY on my way to work.

But, there is a warrant for MY arrest. ME. Nice.

As Agent Simmons from Transformers said, "I'm a criminal. And criminals are HOT!"