Hey, thanks for sticking around (or coming back...whichever). I'll be getting to the good stuff with this posting.
I am, by no means whatsoever, a chef. I can cook, but it usually consists of putting something in a microwave or opening a bag and emptying it into a skillet. I rarely attempt something from "scratch". But, this recipe seemed pretty easy, so I figured that I could handle it.
This recipe might "seem" long and drawn out, but I am going to pretend that the 4 of you reading this are as competent as I am when it comes to cooking and basically draw it out for you in crayon. Trust me, you *shouldn't* screw this up.
Onward with the guac!
Ingredients:
3 whole Hass avocados (really...are there any other types? I haven't seen any)
6 ounces of softened cream cheese
1 tablespoon of sour cream
2 tablespoons of salsa (whatever hotness your palate requires)
1 pinch of salt
1 dash of black pepper
1 dash of garlic salt
1 dash of onion powder
*some chopped cilantro
*half of a squeezed lime
The ingredients with a (*) next to them aren't included in the "actual" recipe, but were recommended by other guacamole lovers to enhance the flavor. So, I added them.
Also...I am not absolutely positive as to the difference between a "pinch" and a "dash". I just used "enough for me" which is a small amount in the palm of your hand. You can add more for taste, if you so desire.
Here are the ingredients used for the guacamole. Yep...everything's there.
First things first...cut your avocados somewhat in half. There is a giant seed inside, so be mindful of that. Use a larger knife, if possible, to power through them. This is what it should look like once you cut them. Take a spoon and scoop out the pits first. Then take the spoon and scoop out the "meat" of the avocado. Put the spoon directly in between the "meat" and the skin, then just scoop it. Pretty simple.
Here is the cream cheese. Yeah...I know it looks like the sour cream, but trust me, it's not. The recipe calls for 6 ounces. I could only find an 8 ounce tub from the store, so I used a heaping tablespoon. I know that it might not be exactly 6 ounces, but that's alright. I think the guacamole will survive. Basically, I used 3/4 of the 8 ounce tub.
Next, add the tablespoon of sour cream. This is about a tablespoon. Like I said, my measurements weren't "exact", but that's how I took this recipe and made it my own. Right? Right.
Next comes the salsa. Basically, it takes the onions and tomatoes that everyone else was calling for and adds them in one easy step. Plus, it gives you, the chef, the ability to kick your guac up a notch or two. I prefer my guac on the bottom notch, so I opted to go with the wussy mild salsa. Hey...don't judge me. Throw two tablespoons of salsa into the mix. Or, if you wish for a little more kick, add a couple more tablespoons. As the late, great Bob Ross once told us, "There are no mistakes. Only happy accidents."
Once all of your main ingredients are in the bowl, you can add the dashes and pinches of your spices. Then, cut yourself a lime in half. Squeeze one of those halves into the bowl. It doesn't matter which half you squeeze in, it will all taste the same. Trust me. Then chop up some cilantro. I kind of have to go into the cilantro step a little further, although there are no pictures for it.
I have never used cilantro before. Never ever. So, I had no clue what to do with it. After a little research and trial-and-error, I finally figured it out. So, here is what you do: pull the cilantro leaves off the stems. I used about 12-15 stems worth of leaves. You can use more if you like. I really don't know how much to tell you to use, since it isn't part of the actual recipe. But, the amount I used seemed to be enough. Once you have removed the leaves from their stems, chop the mess out of them. Make them tiny. Have fun with it. Make sure to use a cutting board, and not your glasstop stove.
Once you have added your spices, half of squeezed lime, and cilantro, take a potato masher and start mashing the hell out of your combined ingredients.
Mash, mash, mash, then stir. After stirring, mash some more. Keep mashing. Then stir again. Alternate mashing and stirring until you get a consistency that resembles homemade mashed potatoes. If you have some chunky bits, that's alright. They add to the flavor.
Once you are done mashing and stirring, well, you're done. Congratulations! That's it. Put down your kitchen weaponry, clean up the mess that you surely made, and grab yourself a bag of tortilla chips. Taste your guacamole. Mmm...delicious, right? If not, you might want to add some more salt or onion powder. If you do, that's alright. I added a little more salt my first time. It was a little bland at first.
Hopefully, you hung around long enough and are now here at the end of this post. And, hopefully if you made it this far, all those directions above made enough sense that you were able to produce a tasty batch of guac, provided that you actually attempted to make said guac. If your guacamole didn't turn out as tasty as mine, I apologize. You probably did something wrong. Like I said, I'm not a chef. And, I didn't follow the original recipe to an exact "T".
Oh...the guacamole will still start to turn brown after a day or so, although the lime juice will help preserve it some. Be sure to stir it up at least once a day to keep it as fresh-tasting as possible. With any luck, though, your guacamole will be so scrumptious that it won't last long enough to get brown.
Happy eating!
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